A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine posted on facebook a response to a comment where the person suggested that they were the type to quickly snip people from their life at certain crossroads. His response indicated that he was guilty of holding on to people and relationships far past their “expiration date”. So that started a reflection process for me.
Change is the only constant that we truly experience in our lives. Change is guaranteed to happen whether we like it or not. Generally I embrace change. This is true in almost every area in my life except relationships (I realize that I am probably the only one that is like this). This has deep roots for me. It is not with all relationships that I have this struggle but it is for a significant amount relationship types.
My general thought is this: there are some people that I want to do life with. The key word is bolded. A more accurate statement is that these are people that have obtained a certain status with me based on history, circumstance, like minded-ness, etc. The bolded word is simply the indication that I, like most, do not expect that everyone that I am in relationship with will be life long…many will be seasonal. No, I am not completely crazy…
That being said changes in relationship with seasonal people is always fairly easy. This is true with considering relationships with organizations. Our commitment to organizations may be based on several things which may provide a particular perspective to be formed about our relationship with the organization. This simply means some places we can leave with no problem while other places require more motivation and thought before making changes.
As I reflected on my friend’s statement I saw a major flaw in me. ( This doesn’t happen often 🙂 At least, I consider it a major flaw. I, like my friend, held on to relationships beyond the expiration date. My question to myself was “why”?
The answer was very simple. As a matter of fact the spirit of the answer was similar to another life motto that governs me “don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do”. The same is true in relationships. You are to people who they “say” you are.
My biggest issue is with me. Not that I didn’t know the above before, because I did. I recall getting upset with people because they changed how they interacted with me. I chose to hold on with an expectation and hope that the relationship could be salvaged or restored. Truth is people have the right and prerogative to change decide how they will relate to me and anybody else…even if I am the perfect friend that you should never want to be without – LOL.
Actually, my disappointment in myself was not any “new” revelation that a person has this right and privilege. My disappointment was that I seemed to expect those that I have chosen to do life with to define what that looks like the same way that I do. That is my major flaw (well, one of them:).
Ultimately it doesn’t change me completely but it certainly changes something in me…I am just not sure what that is. What I do know is that before I give the “life-tag” to anyone I need to make sure we are defining the term “do-life” in the exact same manner.
My commitment to people, organizations, etc. is not rooted in them but rather it is how I am wired. Being vulnerable is a willing side effect to the desire I carry to build life relationships. I do not believe that all changes in life change relationships. I do however, recognize that people change based on their circumstances and that can be a catalyst for changes in relationships.
Well, I have no idea what all this means LOL… I hadn’t written on the blog for a while so maybe I just needed to write something.
I do know this though… I am retiring the “life” tag for a while on any relationships – Business, Personal, Ministerial, etc.
No, It’s not you…It’s me.
Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”